Counselling Therapy Treatment
STRESS
Twenty Tips To Live With Stress
1 Work off stress. If you’re angry or ready to blow up, physical activities are a terrific outlet. This is a time to vent that energy. Weather you go out or chop wood, take a run, wash the floor or tackle a time and energy consuming project you’ve put off, chances are that you’ll feel better and also will have accomplished something useful.
2 Talk to someone you truly trust. Confiding in another person – a friend, a relative, a clergyman for example – and talking out your problem, even if there is no immediate solution, usually makes you feel better.
3 Learn to accept what you cannot change. Sometimes problems cannot simply be avoided or solved right now. Weather it’s serious illness in the family, a divorce, an economic setback, or even a death, simply accepting what has happened will lessen the stress.
4 Avoid self-medication. Many easily available substances, from aspirin to alcohol, are often abused in an effort to avoid the stress by blotting out the pain. They are not a solution to a problem, and if taken in excess, become a problem in themselves. Think about what you’re doing if you have an urge to “drown your sorrows”.
5 Get enough sleep and rest. Sometimes we are so busy we tend to cut down on things we need most. Sleep is a wonderful cure-all, a time to recharge your body’s batteries and usually one of the first things to be sacrificed to stress. Keep in mind that lack of sleep makes you cranky and irritable. If you find that you can’t sleep, after a week or ten days, it would be wise to consult your family doctor.
6 Take time out to play. All work won’t make you dull; it’s more likely to make you a nervous wreck. Working extra long hours tends to be counter-productive past a certain point. Make the time to relax, even if it’s only to take a short nap. Schedule a sanity break. If you are too busy to take a weekend off, schedule “Mini vacations” during the day. Treat yourself to an hour or two off to play squash, shop for something personal, or even take a walk around the block.
7 Do something for others. It may sound Pollyanna-ish but doing some good things for others makes you feel good and helps put your own life back into perspective.
8 Take one thing at a time. Sometimes we are so overwhelmed that we try to do everything at once – and nothing gets accomplished. Take a few minutes to make a list of what has to be done, establish priorities, and tackle one project at a time, the most essential thing first. Completing the most important, pressing project will give you a sense of accomplishment, relieve some stress, and give you the strength to dive back into your workload.
9 Agree with someone. Sometimes we get so irritable that we wind up fighting with everyone. Life has turned into a battleground – from the bedroom to the boardroom – stop and agree with someone. Let them have their way, even if you really don’t agree. They may turn around and agree with you on something else and the sense of working together, of co-operation, will change the emotional environment from one of hostility to one of team work. Feeling like you are besieged by an army of enemies and idiots hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.
10 Manage your time better. The overwhelming feeling that there isn’t enough feeling in the day can defeat you before you begin. Perhaps it means takeout food instead of cooking, maybe it means asking your spouse to work out a new way of sharing, and maybe you’ve really taken on too much. You need to work out a system that works for, not against you.
11 Plan ahead. If you see a period of increased stress coming up, a big project, vacation, moving, or even a possible promotion, plan now to rest and be ready. Or postpone what can be delayed.
12 If you become sick, don’t try to carry on as if your not. No matter how pressing your work, don’t be a martyr. Stay home. Get enough rest until you can resume your duties. If you go back prematurely you risk a relapse. If you don’t take time off, you risk a breakdown. If your work is so vital that nothing can function without you, have work sent to your home.
13 Develop a hobby. Even if you are totally happy and work is a thrill or you are too busy to have a hobby, you aren’t indulging yourself but doing yourself a favour by changing the focus of your interest. It lessens stress to have a hobby. Quite simply it’s good therapy.
14 Believe the answer lies within you. No one else can “give” you a stress free life, although they can offer advice. It is up to you to take that advice and incorporate it into your life style. Just as no one can tell you what happiness or peace is or describe chocolate to you, so you have to search out your own inner desires and needs to make them work for you.
15 Eat well and exercise. You can’t simply relax and hope stress will go away. A liveable stress level is only attainable if you integrate stress management with proper nutrition and exercise.
16 Don’t put off relaxing, some people promise themselves that “tomorrow” or “next week” I’ll take care of myself and take a break. That simply won’t work. You have to relax every single day, even if it’s for a few minutes between appointments or some deep breathing on your way home from work.
17 Don’t be afraid to say no. If you are asked to do someone a favour, or complete an extra project, if it really is too much, say so. Taking on too much can in itself be the stress that breaks you down.
18 Know when you are tired. Being able to stop work when you are fatigued rather than pushing yourself beyond your limits will also reduce unnecessary stress.
19 Learn how to delegate responsibility. Sometimes you can’t do everything yourself and yet the work must get done. So don’t be afraid to ask for help.
20 Be realistic about perfection. When there is a tremendous amount of work to be done, don’t dwell on doing and redoing it until it is perfect. This isn’t to advocate being slipshod but to accept that the forth or fifth draft of a report that was due yesterday is putting an unnecessary amount of stress on your self.
Inner Peace (Stress Management/Relaxation Programme)
Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Services
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STRESS
Although we all know we could do more to help ourselves, many of us are so busy in our daily lives- especially when our role involves caring for others-that somehow we just don’t get around to it.
Almost all of us will admit to being in the grip of our emotions at some time, and we are daily confronted with situations which cause us undue stress. The result is that we regularly feel tired, angry, frustrated, tense, and anxious or have responses we can’t control, are not proud of, or we wish we could avoid altogether. Moreover, when we fail to take positive steps to counter the effects, the results can accumulate; leave us increasingly dominated by emotional states we find impossible to manage. Yet very few of us actually take any specific steps to manage the stress in our lives.
Emotions are a vital part of what we are, and they are vital for balanced human functioning. Likewise, stress is necessary to stimulate and maintain our interest as we go about our daily lives.
Maintaining the critical relationship between the two depends on a singular set of life skills that ensure that we remain rational and capable, as well as empathic and sensitive to others needs.
HOW DOES STRESS EFFECT YOU
Frequently, when caught up in demanding situations we are not aware of our emotional responses to it, our feelings about it. We may ignore it by choice. aware of the impact of different stresses and strains that life can present.
When faced with a request to do something which goes against our basic value system, our intuitive reaction may go something like, I don’t want to do this but………
Or we may be unaware of our emotional response to a situation because we have just never taken the time to think about it.
It is vitally important to our sense of control and therefore our emotional balance that we de-stress on a daily basis, to get peace of mind.
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Guide to do every day
1. Study something new every day-
2. Do at least one new thing different every day and make it part of your life
3. Keep a positive dairy
4. Go for a walk if possible
5. Get out of house at least once a day
6. Be nice to someone else at least once a day
7. Be good/treat yourself at least once a day
8. Phone at least one person everyday
9. Be good to yourself
10. It is ok to feel
11. It is OK to Think
12. Act as if to give the Confidence to achieve
13. Learn to trust yourself
14. Learn to trust others
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LET IT REALLY SINK IN - THEN CHOOSE.
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood
and
always has
something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was
doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee
how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked
him, "I don't get it!
You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two
choices
today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be
in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood."
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can
choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their
complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose
the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all
the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to
situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your
choice how you live your life."
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Industry to
start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when
I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident,
falling some 60 feet from a tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released
from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after the accident
When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be
twins' Want to see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through
his mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my
soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I
remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could
choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
He continued, "...the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me
into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and
nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I
knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John.
"She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors
and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep
breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me
as if I am alive, not dead."
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his
amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice
to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
You have two choices now:
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Unhelpful Thoughts
1. Over-generalisation. Making a sweeping statement about oneself following a single incident; “She didn’t want to go out with me – that means no one will.
2. Personalisation. Attributing failures to oneself when other factors may be at least as much to blame: “She didn’t enjoy the cinema this evening because she was with me”.
3. Magnification. Misinterpreting a minor setback as a major disaster, ‘making a mountain out of a mole hill’ “Since she said she couldn’t go out with me that evening it’s pointless asking her out again”.
4. Minimisation. Misinterpreting one’s achievement so that it’s actual worth is underestimated: “She seems to enjoy my company, but that’s only because there’s nobody else available”.
5. Dichotomous reasoning. Categorising oneself as one thing or the other, as a success or a failure with no intermediate position: “She doesn’t like me, that’s because I’m basically unlikeable.
6. Arbitrary inference. Making a negative inference from something without taking into account alternative explanations: “She arrived late which means she didn’t really want to come anyway”.
7. Selective Abstraction. Basing a conclusion on one fact taken out of context while ignoring any conflicting evidence: Although she has kept all our other arrangements the fact that she didn’t come tonight means she is not committed to our relationship”.
It can be seen that some thoughts are examples of more than one mechanism in play; indeed, the example above of over-generalisation might also result from personalisation, magnification or selective abstraction.
Thought, Feelings & Action (Cognitive Behavioural Programme)
Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Services
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Handling Criticism
(How to respond to criticism assertively)
1. If it’s fair criticism, ask for specific suggestions, alternatives, from the person. What might you do to handle a situation, or behave differently?
2. No need for long, self-critical, or rationalising excuses.
3. When a person’s criticism is somewhat vague, unclear. For example, ‘You are “cold” with people’, have them clarify or give specific examples.
4. Respond with opinion statements rather than ‘you’ statements, for example, ‘I think you misinterpreted what I said’, instead of, ‘Your interpretation is all wrong.’
It’s ok to share your reactions, feelings, regard the criticism: ‘I feel a little angry about your bringing up this issue again’, or ‘I feel unjustly criticised.’--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Developing Assertive Behaviour
Learning to behave more assertively leads to more fruitful communication and increased self-confidence.
Assertive people:
1. Take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. They do not blame or judge others.
2. Stand up for their own rights, and respect the rights of other people.
3. Act without undue fear or anxiety.
4. Ask for what they want and need openly and honestly, and accept that they may not get exactly what they want. They do not fight to win their corner – unlike the aggressive person.
5. Are willing to compromise or negotiate to settle conflict situations. They do not take flight from difficult situations, or allow themselves to be walked over – Unlike the passive or submissive person.
6. Don’t feel the need to bully or manipulate others (unlike the aggressive person), and don’t feel the need to please others in the hope they will be approved of, (unlike the passive person).
7. Can give and accept praise easily.
8. Can give and accept criticism – they are aware of their particular crumple buttons’ and do not over-react to criticism.
9. Have high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem, and build other people’s self-confidence and self-esteem.
10. Like themselves for who they are, and accept other people as they are.
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The Price of “Nice”
“Nice” behaviour eventually has a ‘Price’ for both the ‘nice’ person and persons involved With him/her. It is alienating, indirectly hostile, and self destructive because:
1 The ‘nice’ person tends to create an atmosphere such that others avoid giving honest, genuine feedback. This blocks emotional growth.
2 ‘Nice’ behaviour will ultimately be distrusted by others. That is, it generates a Sense of uncertainty and lack of safety in others, who can never be sure if they will be supported by the ‘nice’ person in a crisis situation that requires an aggressive Confrontation with others.
3 ‘Nice’ people stifle the growth of others. They avoid giving others genuine Feedback, and they deprive others of a real person to assert against. This tends to Others can never be certain if the relationship to turn their aggression against themselves. It also tends to generate guilt and depressed feelings in others who are Intimately Involved and dependent on them.
4 Because of chronic ‘niceness’, others can never be certain if the relationship with A ‘nice’ person could endure a conflict or sustain an angry confrontation, if it did Occur spontaneously. This places great limits on the potential extent of intimacy In the relationship by placing others constantly on their guard.
5 ‘Nice’ behaviour is not reliable. Periodically, the ‘nice’ person explodes in unexpected rage and those involved are shocked and unprepared to cope with it.
6 The ‘nice’ person, by holding aggression in, may pay a physiological price in the Form of psychosomatic problems and a psychological price in the form of
Alienation.
7 ‘Nice’ behaviour is emotionally unreal behaviour. It puts severe limitations on
all relationships, and the ultimate victim is the ‘nice’ person him/herself.
Motivation for Life
Program Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Service
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phone 01376552774