 Counselling Therapy Treatment |
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Programmes
We aim to give a all round idea of some of the issue that you may be going through as couple or as an individual so please read on and remember that we are in the process of still building our new Site. If your issue is not in here please e-mail us and we will endeavour to put it in
please do not hesitate in contacting us or making appointment Please enjoy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a service we use mainly a Cognitive approach covering Hypnotherapy, Transactional Analysis and Gestalt Therapy. We specialise in Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, Phobias, Smoking Relationships, Drugs and Alcohol, Domestic Violence, Bereavement and Eating Problems, Mental Health Problems, Children and Family issues, and Motivational Interviewing. We work extensively with GP Practitioners, Doctors surgeries, Voluntary Agencies, Drug and Alcohol Teams and Statutory Agencies, We also work closely with Mental Health Teams, such as, Together, Police and Hospitals, Working Links.
Our Therapists are happy to travel to various areas
to see clients including Colchester,
As an additional part of our counselling services We write and produces programmes that would be of enormous benefit to your clients, Colleges, Peers. These programmes are held in group form and on an individual basis. Here are some samples:- Motivation for Life Programme: 10-Week Course. This programme is designed to help Clients make small or big steps to facilitate change in their life from emotional, physical, mental behaviours to enhance their lives and help make it more manageable. To look at identifying anxieties, fear, panic attacks and fear based behaviour in their lives and looking at them in another way, also to realise that they are not alone in their anxieties, but recognising it can be a familiar pattern in many people and is not abnormal. It covers subjects such as: Thinking about change. Self esteem. Coping strategies. Healthy and unhealthy negative emotions. Self-development. What confidence means. more understood. Goal setting. Decision-making. Thought, Feelings and Action Programme: 10-week Course This is a Cognitive Behavioural programme, designed to help clients identify the symptoms that cause lack of self-esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety and depression. To explore how these symptoms can be overcome and changes can be made in their lives. Through positive thought, actions and learning new ways of behaving, so turning there lives around with an enhanced positive mental attitude, and controlled behaviour. It covers subjects such as: Depression. Thinking errors. Decision-making and problem solving. Causes of anxiety and stress. Goal setting and making changes. Building self-esteem and confidence. Develop assertive behaviour. Inner Peace Programme: 4-week Course. This is a Stress Management and Relaxation Course, designed to help clients see that stresses and anxieties exist in everyone. Through positive thought and actions these stresses can be controlled and overcome. This works best with people who recognise that their emotional, physical and mental behaviours might be causing them problems, and who keep an open mind about new ideas. The client learns how to practice relaxation on a daily basis, thus overcoming feelings of stress and anxiety, and helping the client to work through these feelings to a comfortable degree. Covering subjects such as: Symptoms leading to stress and anxiety. Learning to be yourself. Learning to relax with exercises. Rational emotive therapy for anxiety.
We also deliver a wide range of additional programmes covering:-
------------------------------------------------------------------------- Treatment Programme 13 Week Day Programme 3 Tier Phase Model 4 Days a Week Inc-Group Work & Individual Counselling Steps Programme Self Esteem Change Life Story Relapse Prevention Problem Recognition P.a.w.s B.U.D Motivation Relaxation Anxiety Management Acupuncture Meditation Depression Art Therapy Family Support if required Or Working Individually with Families suffering Misuses Issues 10 Week programme Inc - Drug awareness Meditation Self Esteem Relaxation Depression Anxiety Management Acupuncture Children & Affects Change Motivation Changing Stress 10 Week programme See also Treatment and 12 Steps and Day Care Programme -------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE FEAR OF REJECTION AND THE NEED FOR LOVE
Many people live with the fear of not being loved. That fear governs their lives, directing their behaviour and helping to form their attitudes. The fear of not being loved comes from the fact of not being loved. Because they were not loved for who they were, people predict that they will not be loved for who they are. … Worse, they live with the feeling that they are simply not lovable. Everything they do then seems to confirm that feeling. Now, because that prediction of not being loved is very deeply ingrained, it is very hard to undo. But it is possible. People have a dilemma. Here they are, as adults with the feelings of deprived neglected children. An adult with the intense needs a child suffers. The needs can no longer be met. Nothing he/she does or receives as a grown-up can make up for the losses of childhood. Need has a timetable: Childhood needs are filled in childhood, adult needs in adulthood. The difference between being a child and being an adult is precisely a difference in need.
The feeling of not being loved or of not being lovable is such a bad one that some are not even aware that they have it. They are busily engaged in doing whatever staves it off, including drinking and taking drugs. Others are aware to some extent and still carry on trying to keep the feeling at bay. They don’t have much success because what they do invariably brings them back to the same feeling. We have all heard of the performer who, in spite of tumultuous acclaim, feels unsatisfied, unloved and alone, separate, never good enough.
It helps to identify the things we do to keep the feeling away. This usually takes one of two main forms:
Either: We struggle to fill the need ) Both defend against for love ) not being loved Or: We struggle against the ) the painful realityneed for love )
Within these two broad categories are two further branches: the passive and the active approach to defending ourselves. SPOT YOURSELVES in these groups.
Struggle for: Behaviour, which says, “Please love me” or “I’m worth loving”
Active: We do our best to please We smile and laugh in spite of feeling bad We make jokes We perform We favour and flatter We are extra good and extra nice We assume far too much responsibility We take care of others beyond the call of duty We are too generous We never say no We look for confirmation of doing the right thing We agree when we don’t really We pretend to be more than we are We flaunt our money or status We drop names We show off our intelligence We flirt We hop into bed with anyone We spend flamboyantly
Passive: We keep quiet We never object We don’t argue We are excessively polite We forgive too soon We lie We are no bother We don’t ask for anything We speak too softly We never get angry We never cry
In short we do, or try to be, whatever would have made our parents love us. But the time for parents is gone. It is sad. It hurts. We grieve that they did not, and may not love us for who we are. You can live with either reality. Feel the hurt. Know it. And go on. We can go on to get real love, not symbolic love. We can go on to feel self-worth.
Struggle against: Behaviour, which says, “I don’t need love” or “I’m not worth loving”.
Active: Acting tough Being constantly rough and never gentle Being aggressive Criticising displays of affection Dismissing needs and feelings in others Admiring and cultivating coolness and indifference Demonstrating a lack of care Refusing affection
Passive: Denying any need for love Staying alone Rejecting ourselves before others can Putting ourselves down Drinking and Drug taking Looking unlovable Not taking care of ourselves Assuming no one likes us Not reaching out Avoiding touch Not talking
Because it hurts to feel our need for love, we ingeniously pretend to ourselves that we don’t need it. You can’t suffer from a need if you don’t have it.
Neither struggle would attract us if we loved ourselves. Self-love is not the same as vanity. Vanity literally means emptiness. Self-love shows itself in Self-Confidence, in easiness and acceptance of who one is.
How can one achieve a feeling of self worth when one has spent a lifetime of feeling worthless and done everything to fend off that feeling?
When you are aware of what you are doing you can make changes. You can recognise when you’re about to enter yet again into a useless struggle and you can do the opposite. Gradually–and it is difficult at first – you can take yourself out of the vicious circle. And just as you went progressively down a slope, now you will go steadily upwards. Each time you manage a step in the right direction you will be encouraged because each measure of progress, however small, is its own reward. The rewards accumulate like compound interest. 3 examples:
If you never say no. Try saying no sometime when you really want to. At first you will feel bad because you feel guilty. You will feel that you will not be loved. But remember that this isn’t the love you need. Besides, if someone loved you because you couldn’t say no it wouldn’t really be you they are loving. It would be a false you. Having the unreal you loved is always frustrating.
Staying alone. Try reaching out to someone. At first you will feel vulnerable and afraid. You will be sure that rejection is coming. You will want to withdraw immediately. Go on. Even if it doesn’t work out at once. Don’t give in to your prediction of not being loved. Remember you are predicting something, which has already happened. If you withdraw into loneliness you have made the very thing, which you are afraid of, come true. You have done the rejecting. To prevent rejection you have rejected yourself. There is nothing for you in that. You will find others have the same feeling and they will be happy that you took a step towards them. Reaching out again and again will increase your confidence and the rewards will grow. Of course, there are different ways to reach out. At first you may be pretty clumsy. No matter. You’ll get the hang of it. Acting careless. This is the behaviour which expresses the anger and indirectly the hurt one can feel at not being cared about. “If you don’t care about me I’m not going to care either, about you or me.” The anger exists because one does need to be cared about. So the behaviour in its own way is an admission. But on the surface it’s a lie. Try letting someone who wants to, show care for you. Receive their caring attention. At first it will feel downright uncomfortable, like an ill-fitting coat. You will want to push the person away and disclaim your need. You may get angry. When you let the care in, it may start to hurt, even to cry, but that’s the beginning of the end to your aggressive isolation. Don’t lie to yourself about your needs. That’s a form of self-abuse. All the struggles for love and against the need for love bring us back to the feeling, which started the struggle. For instance, people are put off by, very needy people, who ‘suck up’ to them. Or they punish the ones who behave aggressively and uncaring. These people end up with the same old feeling that no one loves them, so back they go again to their struggle.
So, recognise what you do to defend against that feeling of not being loved and not being lovable. Be sure that that defence is attacking you. Realise that your struggle is useless and doomed to failure. Determine what is real adult love and how it can be given and taken.
You will never be loved the way you needed to be loved, but you can be loved the way you need now.
It begins by loving yourself. To do that you may have to act a bit. To act as if, you are lovable. You have to act because it doesn’t come naturally as it should have done. But the act will eventually pass over and become a genuine part of you (Anything practice becomes natural Good or Bad). You will find that you are altogether more attractive to others when you are not desperately trying to be loved or desperately trying to deny that you need it.
Thought, Feelings & Action (Cognitive Behavioural Programme) Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Services ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just For Today Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime. * Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. * Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my ‘luck’ as it comes, and fit myself to it. * Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. * Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do – just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it. * Just for today I will be agreeable, I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself. * Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision. * Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life. * Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Handling Criticism(How to respond to criticism assertively) 1. If it’s fair criticism, ask for specific suggestions, alternatives, from the person. What might you do to handle a situation, or behave differently? 2. No need for long, self-critical, or rationalising excuses. 3. When a person’s criticism is somewhat vague, unclear. For example, ‘You are “cold” with people’, have them clarify or give specific examples. 4. Respond with opinion statements rather than ‘you’ statements, for example, ‘I think you misinterpreted what I said’, instead of, ‘Your interpretation is all wrong.’ It’s ok to share your reactions, feelings, regard the criticism: ‘I feel a little angry about your bringing up this issue again’, or ‘I feel unjustly criticised.’--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Developing Assertive Behaviour Learning to behave more assertively leads to more fruitful communication and increased self-confidence.
Assertive people: 1. Take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. They do not blame or judge others. 2. Stand up for their own rights, and respect the rights of other people. 3. Act without undue fear or anxiety. 4. Ask for what they want and need openly and honestly, and accept that they may not get exactly what they want. They do not fight to win their corner – unlike the aggressive person. 5. Are willing to compromise or negotiate to settle conflict situations. They do not take flight from difficult situations, or allow themselves to be walked over – Unlike the passive or submissive person. 6. Don’t feel the need to bully or manipulate others (unlike the aggressive person), and don’t feel the need to please others in the hope they will be approved of, (unlike the passive person). 7. Can give and accept praise easily. 8. Can give and accept criticism – they are aware of their particular crumple buttons’ and do not over-react to criticism. 9. Have high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem, and build other people’s self-confidence and self-esteem. 10. Like themselves for who they are, and accept other people as they are. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL
In the entire world there is nobody, nobody like you. Since the beginning of time there has never been another person like you. Nobody has your smile, your eyes, your hands, your hair, your arms and legs nobody owns your handwriting, your voice. You’re Special. Nobody can paint your brush strokes. Nobody has your taste for food, or music, or dance, or art. Nobody in the universe sees things as you do. In all time there has never been anyone who laughs in exactly your way, and what makes you laugh, or cry, or think may have a totally different response in another. So…… You’re Special. You’re different from any other person who has ever lived in the history of the universe. You are the only one in the whole of creation who has your particular set of abilities. There is always someone who is better at one thing or another. Every person is my superior in at least one way. Nobody in the universe can reach the quality of the combination of your talents, your feelings. Like a room full of musical instruments, some might excel in one-way or another, but nobody can match the symphonic sound when all played together. You’re Symphony.
Through all eternity no one will ever walk, talk, think or do exactly like you. You’re Special You’re rare and in all rarity there is enormous value and because of your great value the need for you to imitate anyone else is absolutely wrong. You’re Special and it is no accident you are. Please realise that God made you for a special purpose. He has a job for you to do that nobody else can do as well as you can. Out of the billions of applicants only one is qualified. Only one has the unique and right combination of what it takes and that one is you.
YOU’RE SPECIAL
Inner Peace (Stress Management/Relaxation Programme) Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Services ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Price of “Nice” “Nice” behaviour eventually has a ‘Price’ for both the ‘nice’ person and persons involved With him/her. It is alienating, indirectly hostile, and self destructive because: 1 The ‘nice’ person tends to create an atmosphere such that others avoid giving honest, genuine feedback. This blocks emotional growth. 2 ‘Nice’ behaviour will ultimately be distrusted by others. That is, it generates a Sense of uncertainty and lack of safety in others, who can never be sure if they will be supported by the ‘nice’ person in a crisis situation that requires an aggressive Confrontation with others. 3 ‘Nice’ people stifle the growth of others. They avoid giving others genuine Feedback, and they deprive others of a real person to assert against. This tends to Others can never be certain if the relationship to turn their aggression against themselves. It also tends to generate guilt and depressed feelings in others who are Intimately Involved and dependent on them. 4 Because of chronic ‘niceness’, others can never be certain if the relationship with A ‘nice’ person could endure a conflict or sustain an angry confrontation, if it did Occur spontaneously. This places great limits on the potential extent of intimacy In the relationship by placing others constantly on their guard. 5 ‘Nice’ behaviour is not reliable. Periodically, the ‘nice’ person explodes in unexpected rage and those involved are shocked and unprepared to cope with it. 6 The ‘nice’ person, by holding aggression in, may pay a physiological price in the Form of psychosomatic problems and a psychological price in the form of Alienation. 7 ‘Nice’ behaviour is emotionally unreal behaviour. It puts severe limitations on all relationships, and the ultimate victim is the ‘nice’ person him/herself.
Motivation for Life Program Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Service -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phone 01376552774 or E-Mail David@Counselling-Therapy-Treatment.co.uk
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Phone 01376552774 or E-Mail David@Counselling-Therapy-Treatment.co.uk
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