Counselling Therapy Treatment

FAMILY SUPPORT

Immediate Access to Counselling, Treatment, Therapy, Hypnotherapy, Family Support, Couples, Anxiety, Stress, Anger Management, Motivation, Coaching, Pain Control, Relaxation and all the other Service we Offer

Working Individually with Families Suffering Misuses Issues and Issues around violence, Divorce, Separation and Mental health Issues

10 Week programme

Inc - Drug awareness

Meditation

Self Esteem

Relaxation Depression

Anxiety Management

Acupuncture

Children & Affects

Change

Motivation

Changing Stress

10 Week programme

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The aim of the Family Support is to ‘support’ Parents, Partners or other adult family members of , Alcohol issues, Anger, Violence and Abuse and Substance misuse's.

Having a family member who has problems with , Alcohol, Anger, Violence and Abuse or illegal drugs & prescribed drugs can be very emotional and trying for the whole family, particularly if that individual lives at home.

Family members are often left feeling helpless and isolated. Their social circle can become small or non-existent. They can feel constantly tired and unable to function properly in the home or at work. Relationships with other family members can become strained or break down. A person’s whole existence can feel meaningless. The aim of Family Support is to enable family members to feel more in control of their own lives again, to better understand the, Alcohol, Anger, Violence and Abuse and addiction/stabilisation and recovery process and move on. Accurate information and support will be provided in a relaxed and friendly environment with Professional Caring Counsellor with years of Experience dealing with Families.

Family Support from us, offers, a chance to make a difference in your lives and that of your children, partner and/or Family members.

In a safe environment, and improved understanding, Alcohol, Anger, Violence and Abuse of drugs, their effect on your family and ways you maybe coping and learning new coping strategies.

We believes that it is better to share experience rather than to suffer in silence and alone

Guiding Principles

1. We believe that stigma and discrimination against families affected by Substance, Alcohol, Anger, Violence and Abuse is an abuse of human rights, and must end.

2. We believe that the voice of families should be heard – loud and clear.

3. We believe that family means everyone, that each family is unique and that every family member has different needs.

4. We believe that families need specific services, offered by experienced, well-trained Professional Counsellors and caring people.

5. We believe that families need clear, credible information about substances, Alcohol, Anger, Violence and Abuse and about their impact on the family unit.

6. We believe that all substances, Alcohol, Anger, Violence and Abuse have the potential to harm the family as a whole.

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TENDENCIES OF LIVING IN AN ALCOHOLIC/DRUG ABUSING FAMILY

WHAT HAPPENS?

Some characteristics we seem to have in common due to our being brought up in an alcoholic or drug abusing household:

We tend to become isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

We tend to become approval seekers and lose our identity in the process.

We are often frightened by angry people and personal criticism.

We often feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves and tend to give in to other’s wishes, demands, requests etc.,

Having been blamed so often, for so much; we have a tendency to feel at fault and blame others for everything.

From living with sick people, who were not there emotionally for us, we tend to be fearful of rejection and desertion. To avoid these painful feelings, we tend to do self-destructive things in our attempt to hold on to our relationships.

We tend to be attracted to compulsive people such as alcoholics, drug addicts, overeaters, gamblers, etc.

We become compulsive personalities ourselves to comfort our painful feelings.

We tend to live life from the viewpoint of victims (believing we have no control over what happens to us) and continue to become victims in our relationships with others (spouses, family, employer, friends, etc.)

We tend to have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, which enable us to try to control other people and events around us. It is easier for us to be concerned with others than ourselves. This enables us to not look too closely at ourselves.

We tend to become addicted to excitement.

We might confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue”.

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TWELVE THINGS TO DO IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS AN ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ADDICT

Don’t regard this as a family disgrace. Recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction can come about as in any other illness.

Don’t nag, preach or lecture to the alcoholic or drug addict. Chances are the person has already told themselves everything you can tell them. They will take just so much and shut out the rest. You may only increase their need to lie or force them to make promises they cannot possibly keep.

Guard against the “holier-than-thou” or martyr-like attitude. It is possible to create this impression without saying a word. An alcoholic or drug user’s sensitivity is such that they judge other people’s attitudes towards them more by small things than outspoken words.

Don’t use the “if you loved me” appeal. Since the alcoholic’s drinking and the addicts use of drugs is compulsive and cannot be controlled by willpower, this approach only increases their guilt. It is like saying, “If you loved me, you would not have tuberculosis.”

Avoid any threat unless you think it through carefully, and definitely intend to carry it out. There may be times, of course, when a specific action is necessary to protect children. Idle threats only make the alcoholic or addict feel you don’t mean what you say.

Don’t hide the liquor or drugs or dispose of it. Usually this only pushes the alcoholic or addict into a state of desperation. In the end, they will simply find new ways of getting alcohol or drugs.

Don’t let the alcoholic or addict persuade you to drink or use drugs with them on the grounds that it will make them drink or lessen their drug use. It rarely does. Besides, when you condone their drinking or drug taking they put off doing something to get help.

Don’t be jealous of the method of recovery the alcoholic or addict chooses. The tendency is to think that love of home and family is enough incentive for seeking recovery. Frequently the motivation of regaining self-respect is more compelling for the alcoholic or addict than resumption of family responsibilities. Or you may feel left out when the alcoholic or addict turns to other people for help in staying sober or clean. You wouldn’t be jealous of the doctor if someone needed medical care, would you?

Don’t expect an immediate 100% recovery. In any illness there is a period of convalescence. There may be relapses and times of tension and resentment.

Don’t try to protect the recovering alcoholic or addict from situations where they can drink or take drugs. It is one of the quickest ways to push him into a relapse. They must learn on their own to say “no” gracefully. If you warn people against serving drinks or using drugs, you will stir up old feelings of resentment and inadequacy.

Don’t do for the alcoholic or addict that which they can do for themselves. You cannot take their medicine for them. Don’t remove the problem before the alcoholic or addict can face it, solve it or suffer the consequences.

Do offer love, support and understanding in their sobriety or abstinence.

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Families/ Couples / Cohabitating

Some helpful ideas for children, guidelines not rules

The More Parents Can Work together the fewer the areas of uncertainty

1.Consistent

2.Consistency

3.Routine

4.Discipline

5.Being available

6.Make things easier to cope with

7.Developing and sustaining relationships with your children.

8.New practical skills for the parents & children if applicable i.e. cooking, cleaning, building, paying bills etc.

9.It is only possible for people to attend to others when they have adequately looked after themselves and this should not be a cause for guilt or blame.

10.Finding the balance between meeting your needs and that of your children.

11.Change leads to the re-making of oneself.

12.Restoring self-esteem and self-confidence and being valued.

13.The need for family and friends and work colleagues and there understanding.

14.Recommitting before recovering enough from a relationship because of loneliness and unhappiness.

15.Each Child is an individual in their own right.

16.It is OK for you or your children to cry together. Let the children grieve they have lost something too.

17.They need to know that you understand. That they can have such feelings and they may not understand what this is. But this is OK.

18.The child needs to know that you understand. That they can have such feelings and they may not understand what this is. But this is Ok.

19.Only make promises that you know you can keep.

20.Children need facts, not emotions or opinions.

21.Meet with your partner/Other about the children's progress as well as any problems that may arise. Not just the problems.

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TWELVE THINGS TO DO IF YOUR LOVED ONE IS AN ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ADDICT

Don’t regard this as a family disgrace. Recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction can come about as in any other illness.

Don’t nag, preach or lecture to the alcoholic or drug addict. Chances are the person has already told themselves everything you can tell them. They will take just so much and shut out the rest. You may only increase their need to lie or force them to make promises they cannot possibly keep.

Guard against the “holier-than-thou” or martyr-like attitude. It is possible to create this impression without saying a word. An alcoholic or drug user’s sensitivity is such that they judge other people’s attitudes towards them more by small things than outspoken words.

Don’t use the “if you loved me” appeal. Since the alcoholic’s drinking and the addicts use of drugs is compulsive and cannot be controlled by willpower, this approach only increases their guilt. It is like saying, “If you loved me, you would not have tuberculosis.”

Avoid any threat unless you think it through carefully, and definitely intend to carry it out. There may be times, of course, when a specific action is necessary to protect children. Idle threats only make the alcoholic or addict feel you don’t mean what you say.

Don’t hide the liquor or drugs or dispose of it. Usually this only pushes the alcoholic or addict into a state of desperation. In the end, they will simply find new ways of getting alcohol or drugs.

Don’t let the alcoholic or addict persuade you to drink or use drugs with them on the grounds that it will make them drink or lessen their drug use. It rarely does. Besides, when you condone their drinking or drug taking they put off doing something to get help.

Don’t be jealous of the method of recovery the alcoholic or addict chooses. The tendency is to think that love of home and family is enough incentive for seeking recovery. Frequently the motivation of regaining self-respect is more compelling for the alcoholic or addict than resumption of family responsibilities. Or you may feel left out when the alcoholic or addict turns to other people for help in staying sober or clean. You wouldn’t be jealous of the doctor if someone needed medical care, would you?

Don’t expect an immediate 100% recovery. In any illness there is a period of convalescence. There may be relapses and times of tension and resentment.

Don’t try to protect the recovering alcoholic or addict from situations where they can drink or take drugs. It is one of the quickest ways to push him into a relapse. They must learn on their own to say “no” gracefully. If you warn people against serving drinks or using drugs, you will stir up old feelings of resentment and inadequacy.

Don’t do for the alcoholic or addict that which they can do for themselves. You cannot take their medicine for them. Don’t remove the problem before the alcoholic or addict can face it, solve it or suffer the consequences.

Do offer love, support and understanding in their sobriety or abstinence.

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Guide to do every day

1. Study something new every day-

2. Do at least one new thing different every day and make it part of your life

3. Keep a positive dairy

4. Go for a walk if possible

5. Get out of house at least once a day

6. Be nice to someone else at least once a day

7. Be good/treat yourself at least once a day

8. Phone at least one person everyday

9. Be good to yourself

10. It is ok to feel

11. It is OK to Think

12. Act as if to give the Confidence to achieve

13. Learn to trust yourself

14. Learn to trust others

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LEARNING TO BE YOURSELF

THE PLUM

You should learn that you cannot be loved by everyone.

You may be the finest plum in the world-Ripe, juicy and succulent, and offer yourself to all.

But there will be people who do not like plums.

You must understand that if you are the world’s finest plum.

And someone you like doesn’t happen to like plums.

You have the choice of becoming a banana, but you must

Be warned that if you choose to become a banana

You will be a second-rate banana.

But you can always be the best plum.

You must also realise, if you choose to be a banana,

There will be people who do not like bananas.

Furthermore, you could spend your life trying to be the best banana, which is

Impossible if you are a plum,

You can seek again to be the best plum

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Letting go

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off, It’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes.

To let go is not to criticise and regulate anyone, But to try to become what dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and to love more.

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The Affair

Morning babe it’s me, I’ve just picked up the mail,

the kids have gone to school and the dogs still chewing its tail.

I've done all the washing and made a cup of tea,

must remember dentist; be there for half past three.

Babes are you listening or has she taken you away,

Oh here we go again its bloody groundhog day.

Do you know how much I love you,

Do you know how much I care,

Are there moments in your day when you really are aware.

She doesn’t really want you; she doesn’t give a toss,

If you gave her up tomorrow it wouldn’t be her loss.

You’re not her only victim, there’s others like you too,

I can’t believe her morals the things she makes you do.

She just wants to drain you, take away your life,

She’ll never be your best friend or be the perfect wife.

Please come back to me babe, tell her to get lost,

I can’t stand all this heartache let alone the cost.

I know you can do it; you can tear yourself away,

Do you really know how scared I am of losing you one day.

Have you heard all those people telling me I’m mad,

They look at me with pity and think I’m f???? sad.

You’ll never see my tears the one’s I cry alone,

The teeth marks in my tongue cos I’m too scared to moan.

She runs through your veins and takes away your pain,

God only knows some days I wish I could feel the same.

If you carry on she’ll kill you, of that I have no doubt,

She’ll be onto someone new when your funeral comes about.

The loneliness I feel most days will be permanent by then,

I’ll battle with the ‘told you so’s’ and fight your corner again.

And when that day is over and everyone’s gone away,

I’ll cry those silent tears again forever and a day.

But today is nearly over and we’ve struggled through again,

We’ve battled with the money, my heartache and your pain.

There’s food in the fridge and above us is a roof,

and despite everything I always get the truth.

So to all you people out there with a partner, husband or wife,

have a good long look at yourselves before you judge my life.

Ask are they really perfect are they really what they seem,

Cos I’m damn sure one day he’ll be my hero,

and babe I will be your heroine.

By Client

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Unhelpful Thoughts

1. Over-generalisation. Making a sweeping statement about oneself following a single incident; “She didn’t want to go out with me – that means no one will.

2. Personalisation. Attributing failures to oneself when other factors may be at least as much to blame: “She didn’t enjoy the cinema this evening because she was with me”.

3. Magnification. Misinterpreting a minor setback as a major disaster, ‘making a mountain out of a mole hill’ “Since she said she couldn’t go out with me that evening it’s pointless asking her out again”.

4. Minimisation. Misinterpreting one’s achievement so that it’s actual worth is underestimated: “She seems to enjoy my company, but that’s only because there’s nobody else available”.

5. Dichotomous reasoning. Categorising oneself as one thing or the other, as a success or a failure with no intermediate position: “She doesn’t like me, that’s because I’m basically unlikeable.

6. Arbitrary inference. Making a negative inference from something without taking into account alternative explanations: “She arrived late which means she didn’t really want to come anyway”.

7. Selective Abstraction. Basing a conclusion on one fact taken out of context while ignoring any conflicting evidence: Although she has kept all our other arrangements the fact that she didn’t come tonight means she is not committed to our relationship”.

It can be seen that some thoughts are examples of more than one mechanism in play; indeed, the example above of over-generalisation might also result from personalisation, magnification or selective abstraction.

Thought, Feelings & Action (Cognitive Behavioural Programme)

Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Services

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Just For Today

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my ‘luck’ as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do – just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable, I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

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Handling Criticism

(How to respond to criticism assertively)

1. If it’s fair criticism, ask for specific suggestions, alternatives, from the person. What might you do to handle a situation, or behave differently?

2. No need for long, self-critical, or rationalising excuses.

3. When a person’s criticism is somewhat vague, unclear. For example, ‘You are “cold” with people’, have them clarify or give specific examples.

4. Respond with opinion statements rather than ‘you’ statements, for example, ‘I think you misinterpreted what I said’, instead of, ‘Your interpretation is all wrong.’

It’s ok to share your reactions, feelings, regard the criticism: ‘I feel a little angry about your bringing up this issue again’, or ‘I feel unjustly criticised.’

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Developing Assertive Behaviour

Learning to behave more assertively leads to more fruitful communication and increased self-confidence.

Assertive people:

1. Take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. They do not blame or judge others.

2. Stand up for their own rights, and respect the rights of other people.

3. Act without undue fear or anxiety.

4. Ask for what they want and need openly and honestly, and accept that they may not get exactly what they want. They do not fight to win their corner – unlike the aggressive person.

5. Are willing to compromise or negotiate to settle conflict situations. They do not take flight from difficult situations, or allow themselves to be walked over – Unlike the passive or submissive person.

6. Don’t feel the need to bully or manipulate others (unlike the aggressive person), and don’t feel the need to please others in the hope they will be approved of, (unlike the passive person).

7. Can give and accept praise easily.

8. Can give and accept criticism – they are aware of their particular crumple buttons’ and do not over-react to criticism.

9. Have high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem, and build other people’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

10. Like themselves for who they are, and accept other people as they are.

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PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations, which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that we are living and have a purposeful life.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Motivation for Life

Program Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Services

Exert from AA book

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The Price of “Nice”

“Nice” behaviour eventually has a ‘Price’ for both the ‘nice’ person and persons involved With him/her. It is alienating, indirectly hostile, and self destructive because:

1 The ‘nice’ person tends to create an atmosphere such that others avoid giving honest, genuine feedback. This blocks emotional growth.

2 ‘Nice’ behaviour will ultimately be distrusted by others. That is, it generates a Sense of uncertainty and lack of safety in others, who can never be sure if they will be supported by the ‘nice’ person in a crisis situation that requires an aggressive Confrontation with others.

3 ‘Nice’ people stifle the growth of others. They avoid giving others genuine Feedback, and they deprive others of a real person to assert against. This tends to Others can never be certain if the relationship to turn their aggression against themselves. It also tends to generate guilt and depressed feelings in others who are Intimately Involved and dependent on them.

4 Because of chronic ‘niceness’, others can never be certain if the relationship with A ‘nice’ person could endure a conflict or sustain an angry confrontation, if it did Occur spontaneously. This places great limits on the potential extent of intimacy In the relationship by placing others constantly on their guard.

5 ‘Nice’ behaviour is not reliable. Periodically, the ‘nice’ person explodes in unexpected rage and those involved are shocked and unprepared to cope with it.

6 The ‘nice’ person, by holding aggression in, may pay a physiological price in the Form of psychosomatic problems and a psychological price in the form of

Alienation.

7 ‘Nice’ behaviour is emotionally unreal behaviour. It puts severe limitations on

all relationships, and the ultimate victim is the ‘nice’ person him/herself.

Motivation for Life

Program Designed by Alpha Integrative Counselling Service

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Phone 01376552774 or E-Mail

David@Counselling-Therapy-Treatment.co.uk